A week back an occurrence took place to someone close to me while out with his young son. Whilst walking past a local park, his son had spotted a group of 5 Asian children, similar in age, playing football. Being a keen and enthusiastic football player my friend’s little boy had asked his permission to check out with the group of boys to see if they could allow him to join them and play. On consenting to this, he’d walked over to the group and asked them if they’d mind him joining them. One of the boys from the group who appeared slightly older told him to hold off first whilst he checked with the rest of the group first. The group appeared to go in to a sort of a secret ballot over this request before one of them returned and told him they’d decided not to have have him join in with them. To this response, my friend’s little boy nodded his acceptance of their decision and thanked them anyway before walking away to rejoin his dad.
You might be wondering why this episode had a profound effect on my friend, the dad of this little boy. It made him reflect how effortlessly his son in his innocence had simply accepted the decision of the other little ones not to have him join them in play. He didn’t push to be accepted nor complain that they’d turned him down. He simply accepted.
Well. Usually as adults especially, when we are met with rejection, the immediate reaction is often anger and the need to voice what we see as an injustice done to us by the other person(s). In this instance, one might even have taken the rejection to be based along the lines of racial prejudice. And the reasons for the other person(s) rejection might just as well be down to prejudice. Or in the situation of these little Asians boys, that they were about to pack up and leave the park.
Most of the times, I believe that rejection is simply a state of the mind of the individual(s) in that given moment and not in any way connected subjectively to the individual being rejected. Even so, I like to believe that the rejection in one area is opening me up to be accessible to other areas that I need in that given moment. It is to my best mental health to hold that view than to allow negativity to fester in me.
My friend’s son revived that lesson of acceptance. When one accepts a situation, they remove the weight of evoked anger, whilst they over analyse and stress the motives of an issue. They don’t necessary agree with the act or decision, they simply accept it is not their call to get worked up over it.
Do you ever get those moments when you start something but never get to finish even thinking it out? I started writing about this evening’s irritation on my homeward commute and each time something kept disrupting my chain of thought. It started when I spotted a young lady I shared the same bus with the other evening. I think she is originally from W.Africa, although she has this weird American twang to her accent like she is rolling her tongue around some balls inside her mouth whilst talking. Truth be told her voice was grating on me, made worse that she seemed so caught up with sharing all her ill feelings of bitching sessions with another, I would assume female friend on the other end of her call. Same as on the previous journey we’d shared, she kept gesticulating whilst talking at the top of her voice about the same person that she felt was jealous of her but yet needed her as a friend. Then the volume of her voice went up a notch when beside her, an Asian guy too took up position of next in the stakes for talking to his friend on the phone. Not long it turned into a competition of who could talk loudly for the whole bus to hear. Unfortunately their competition was disrupted rather rudely when in matched a group of Somalian ladies with children. Now this got very interesting in terms of who was to win the war on loud speaking or should I say shouting…
but back to the reasons as to why this has taken me over 2hrs in writing…First it was my daughter who after pause for thought on an earlier disagreement we’d had, I called her to put the bad feeling to sleep so to speak. See, I dislike going to bed with unresolved anger of any kind – especially with the girls. Unfortunately I chose a bad time yet again. She was even more irritable than I’d been on first arriving back home this evening after that episode on the bus, and my attempt at reconciliation just made matters worse. Realising my error in judgement, I let it go so she could go sleep; and strangely enough she remembered to go and removed the heavy eye makeup she has taken to using these school days without my nagging. This is one child I can not quite place. She has a mind of her own and does things her way which does not sit well with my controlling personality. She is a very intelligent child but very untidy in more ways than one and this is always the route of our disagreements. This evening it had been down to her wanting to know if I would allow her to go to the fun fair this Friday evening.
Unfortunately, I was still annoyed with her inability to tidy away her stuff from around the house especially her bedroom area over the preceding weeks. As a result I didn’t feel up to giving her this treat and went to explain away why when she cut me off to ask that I give her a yes or no answer! Damn it. Even if I gave her a yes/no response, she’d still have asked why. But after time “apart” cooling off and talking calmly to her, I got to seeing her point.
We have agreed on a month’s trial of monitoring to see that she adheres to tidying away her items …I truly will need all the prayers to keep my patience in check.
The other disruptive thought has been down to what I should do about a clash of programmes tomorrow. It is one of those things that come about and you really wish the missing parent can read you telepathically and throw in his/her presence to do his/her part of parenting. You see my girls have a father that only remembers them in his dreams I think…For the greater part he appears to be a figment of my imagination that I sometimes think I am in denial too about sperm donation I might have written up for once upon a time in my younger years. Now I have to stop being so petty and mean with this line of of thought and face my choices like a woman! C’mon girl pull yourself together I tell myself and for the greater part it works. The dilema I face is threefold. My youngest daughter is to have an orthodontic appointment when she gets measured up for her braces and my middle daughter is to attend college visiting open day sessions in preparations for her choice of college for next year. The orthodontic appointment has been long in coming and cancellation could cost me a fair amount on my purse as it would be late notice having been put forward from the previous day. The college appointment is just as important and already the person it relates to has threatened to disown me as a mother to her if I don’t escort her. Her appointment after all she says is “life changing” and was made earlier to the rescheduled orthodontic one. Plus she “absolutely will not go with anyone besides me” – actually she changed this statement not long after extending it to my boyfriend who she keeps telling me to be nice to and not bully him! I think she just wants him to spend money on her planned attendance to the theme parks for this Halloween malackey. However all this is besides the point. I have already taken off more days than I can count for such visits that work is surely about to search where my pending P45 is stacked… So what will I do?? HELP!