“A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.”
— Francis Bacon
Often we are faced with situations or opportunities (setting aside exam time scenarios!) when we engage with persons we either admire or disagree with. Unfortunately, it is when such an opportunity/situation has passed that the ‘light-bulb’ moment shines through and we smack ourselves on the forehead for not having said or asked this or that question. On the other hand, when we do ask the question, come away still not quite satisfied. Any of this rings a bell?
No. I am not talking about that date once upon a time which went belly-up…
Take for instance a friend of mine today shared a joke about a couple whose marriage came to a grinding halt following revelations of an indiscretion which took place in the very early years of their marriage. The long end of it all was that my friend was warning fellow “good men” out there to avoid at all costs revealing any secrets to their better halves. Reason being in that although some of us can say we forgive, we do not forget. Well, I could see his point of view in as much as how we each define forgiveness…and forgetting! I guess it could be comparable to asking a husband to forgive and forget upon finding out after decades of being married, that the children or one of them was not biologically his.
I tend to be intrigued by this forgive and forget carry-on…What are we forgiving, the act of indiscretion or the person’s fall from grace? Are we seeking forgiveness for being caught out or for having kept it a secret? I do agree forgiveness is essential for self-healing foremost, I just do not agree about forgetting the reasons or lessons of that which you are forgiving. For in forgetting the causes/reasons, chances of repeating similar occurrences from taking place will most likely be the pattern.
But back to my original quest of why it is important to prepare yourself beforehand for everything and anything. Preparation is always the key. Let’s take a moment and consider some questions that are truly empowering for many given situations:
Is there a message for me in this experience?
- What’s the gift in this situation?
- What can I learn from this?
- What’s the most loving thing I could do now?
- What’s the most important thing for me to focus on now?
- What would I do if I knew I could not fail?
- What would I do if there were nothing to fear?
Realise. By pausing these questions to yourself, often making a rushed decision or even saying something that could cause you egg on your face, you give yourself a moment’s reflection to finding out the gravity of it.